Yesterday’s News TODAY!

If you’re just tuning in my name is Timothy W. Kinkopf the Great, and today is the eve of Thanksgiving Eve, which happens to be the eve of Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday. Why? Because I get to see douchebag family members I’ve been trying to forget since Christmas, which happens to be the worst holiday ever; although not to be confused with the worst native American holiday, which ironically is Thanksgiving. I guess they don’t like seeing their relatives either (we killed all their relatives). “Get over it”, you did get those nifty Casinos out of the deal, Black people didn’t even get that (just Barack Obama). Hey, one day there will be a Native American President, and on that day the Chief Wig-Wom will move all White People to the West, and then to the sea, ‘cause I’m sure we’ll get the punch-line, “oh I get it ‘cause we kept pushing his people west, haha funny (lame)”.

Now, without further A-Jew(haha) the NEWS.

                It’s been a while since last I followed the News, in my defense I don’t like the News, I’d rather jack-off and watch reruns of Scrubs, but I mean that’s just me. And this is the reason why, ‘cause I read and watch shit like “Brenden Foster’s last wish” FUCK!, seriously I needed to watch a little boy do some altruistic stuff, which inspired a bunch of food drives for the homeless,  before he died of Leukemia on Friday morning in his mother’s arms. WHAT, WHAT THE FUCK! Okay just make me feel like the worst piece of shit on this planet Brenden Foster, Austrian for goody two-shoes, jokes on him you can’t get into Heaven until you’re eighteen anyway. Nope, jus’ gon’na be stuck in Purgatory for eternity, sucks to be Christian.

Kind’ov’ along the same lines, I read that some mutha’ fucker’s did some bullshit pull concerning God and the Space Monsters. Out of 3000 Bored British people, who could have been brushing their cruddy teeth, 54% believed in God and 58% believed in Aliens and Ghosts, and shit. So out of the Laws of Probability in terms of Statistics (what?) most likely Brenden is going to Space Monster camp to be trained for the coming Alien-Zombie Apocalypse (weak) Good luck to him and his new overlords (the Chinese).

Don Pettit has created the Zero-G Coffee cup for astronauts and Space Aliens, before you had to suck coffee out of a bag with a straw, like a Sunkist, those kid juice drinks that make you turn into liquid metal and fly everywhere, FYI they don’t (fuckin’ liars) jus’ another part of my childhood being crushed. Awesome now we have an opportunity to have space StarBucks, which again sounds cool, but think about all the Hipster-Alien-Emo douchebags snapping their figure-tentacles to the spoken-word of Glog, while drinking venti no-foam low-fat Caramel Macchiato and writing manuscripts about their troubling life in rural Jupiter. And then you realize that the Coffee’s made from pee water, and you laugh inside and out, ‘cause you jus’ got tea-bagged (Ka-Kow).

So, Mike Fincke, some space guy, is elated to say the least, ‘cause his pee convertor is working finally. He was stated in saying “I’ve been pissing on this damn machine for weeks, and it finally works. And to think the rest of the crew just thought I was some ol’asshole. They can thank me later for this fresh cup of space Coffee.”

In an interview with one of Mike’s crewmates, Flight director Brian Smith says

Yah, the machine worked for an hour on Monday an’ then just cut-out. It finally started fully working Tuesday, and not a moment too soon.

Why?

I had to piss since Thursday, last week, but I held it.

That’s not good for your bladder

Fuck you Earth man.

By the way are those the Zero-G cups?

Yah

Wow the coffee stays right in there huh?

Yah, but that’s piss

Why?

Me an’ Mike are into Water-sports

Really… why do I always get these interviews?

 

Next, in Earthien News, Watch-out this Holiday season you could be supporting TERROR!!!!!!

 

Yah, so an association called Holy Land, was the largest charity organization in America, until the government realized Holy land was funding Palestinian terror group Hamas. (Oops)

Thing is, the American consumer is to blame, because in our defense, those red donation bucket things outside of Kohl’s and Macy’s all look the same. The people ringing the bells even look the same. How can I tell a turban from a Santa cap in the spur of the donation moment? I can’t, and I know what you’re going to say, but again in our defense “jingle bells”, and “Jihad all of you to hells” is sang in the very same tone, so simple mistake like in the ninety’s when I had a high-top fade.

Ehud Barak, defense minister of Israel, has signed a truce with Hamas, because Hezbollah is getting’ out of control. They’re acting like they’re at an Enrica Iglesias concert, fuckin’ all “HERE WE ARE ALEY ALEY ALEY!” fuckin’ spice of life d-bags.

“Hezbollah has three times the ability it had before the Second Lebanon War and now has 42,000 missiles in its possession, as opposed to the 14,000 it had before the war,” Barak said in a Knesset speech (some website at the bottom)

Where, you may ask, did Hezbollah get all these Missiles? Well again this may be the American consumer’s fault; I don’t think we notice the Make a Hezbollah Wish Foundation’s springing up everywhere.

Hmm…what else… oh yeah,

DALAI LAMA IN EXILE BY THE EVIL CHINESE ARMY!!!!!!!!

So, the Chinese are tryin’ to bully the monks in Xiahe, China; and the Dalai Himself whipped out an amazing Dragonball Z-esqe attack destroying Goku and Piccolo. Oops nope that didn’t happen at all actually, sorry I misread.

Instead the Dalai Lama fled to Tibet, ‘cause in his words “the Block is hot son!”

True’dat

With the new Progression of the U.S., and its First Black President-elect It seems new boundaries are being broken every day; gays can marry in Massachusetts, white people are finally apologizing for slavery (hence Obama), and terrorist organization are allowing mentally handicapped(no handicapable)  women to join in their struggle.(wha’?)

Miss. Flibity Jibigty of Iraq was 35 in a half when she was found by terrorist leader Jihad Jones.

Translated from what-ever they speak:

She was running into people at the market screaming “go speed racer GO!” so I had this epiphany. I bought her a speed racer helmet strapped with explosives and told her Racer X is in the Green Zone, the International Iraqi government office, and all she said was, “racer X is actually Rex Racer, speed’s brother, who has been long thought dead” and then she ran off. I don’t even know where she when I just hit button after twenty minutes. I guess I lucked out.

Jokes on them, if they keep killin’ all their retards they’ll never make it to the finals of the Special Olympics.

 

And back to American Economics 101:

The Stock Market was down for a long time, then Friday it got hard, and on Monday it stayed hard. (Foreshadowing, make investments in Extenz) the Auto industry needs a bail-out plan too, ‘cause they suck. Obama tells us, “As soon as the recovery is well under way, we need to set up a long-term plan to reduce the structural deficit and make sure we are not leaving a mountain of debt for the next generation.” Also federal debt hit records of 455 billion for the 08 fiscal (haha fiscal) year. Shit’s nuts son. The debt might even reach One trillion dollars (doctor evil style). So we need an Economic Boost, okay. So tell me this, “if we are employing more people than we have the capability of supporting, because the stock investor’s invested in, how you say “bunk” Stocks. Then how is making imaginary money the answer? I love Obama, but inflation is never the way. Instead we should do some B&E’s on neighboring Countries, namely Canuckville. I mean that’s what I do, if I don’t have money I take it, right? That way I have money, this concept makes sense. So, instead of inflation we just rob some rich white nation, just like the government did to us. I Think Canada would be first, then Britain, ‘cause they’re army sucks, then France, ‘cause fuck France and their damn freedom fries. Once we get enough lot we can start buying crops (drugs) then selling the drugs to other countries. The first batch would be pure, so we get repeat clients, then we start cutting the shit, and charging double. Fuck I’m a genius. Anyway back to reality, Robert Greenstein, executive director of the Center on Budget and Policy Priorities, explains that this plan will increase the poverty line. That’s a no brainer ‘cause it’s simple supply and demand. We happen to have a national demand for job reform, but as long as other countries are offering employees for a lesser cost, we will keep buying. We have an abundance of supply but no consumers, because we are out of jobs. And even though I think in a very cynical manner people truly are kind and generous like Brenden foster. So we will give to Salvation army and help Make a Wish, all while terrorist groups take our money and buy weapons of mass destruction from the Alien-Zombie-Emo-hipster’s, who are collecting money to buy a Starbucks franchise for Jupiter, which into will get all the Alien-Zombies addicted to Coffee and Caffeine, and when they run out, they’ll attack the space station. On Board Pettit and Fincke will be dowsing each other with bags of pee, unknowingly about to be bombarded with the Jupiter-Monsters lead By Spoken-Word enthusiast Glog.

I have come…

            …cause is the life

And life, the Tree.

(His follower’s snap)

Which Brian Smith then replies

What kind’a Alien-hippie-liberal bullshit you talkin’ ‘bout boy?

And that’s it… guns start firing, and lazer’s are slicing past the Captian of the ship, and Glog is leading his infantry army toward the Pee Convertor.

After two hours off Mortal Kombat verse DC Universe

Glog defeats all the Crew single hand-tentacle-ly. The crew is forced to fly the ship back to Earth.

Houston we have a problem

This is Housten, what is it Endeavor?

Glog the Spoken-Word Enthusiast is coming.

…(radio silence and then…)

Houston?

We are prepared for this, don’t worry.

 

So the Endeavor crash lands, followed by an Armanda of Jupiter War ships.

Glog walks out to his new Planet and says

I will call you Glogel two, (Glog notices something off in the Distance)

Is that a little girl with a Racer X Helmet On?

No Glog (voices from out of thin air) that’s an Army of retarded Iraqi children with Racer X Helmets On.

After the coming attack Many of Glogs Forces are wounded, but his second in command Steps forward to take Control

Glog, thank you for training me personally in spoken-word poetry, I really enjoyed it.

You are welcome boy, take my notebook and write about the weather today it will sooth you.

No Glog I may have advanced through the Alien-Monster Camp on Jupiter fast, but I’m not ready for this responsibility.

You Must my young friend, and remember what Mos Def says

(In unison the young boy and Glog say)

ME, WE

(Their finger-tentacle things touch {like venture brothers})

Then the U.S Army, Navy, Marines, and Special OP’s forces arrive on site. The odds are a million to One. the One Boy that leads the fleet of dreams and wishes for his people, Brenden Foster, against the Earthien Coffee Hoarders.

End scene… Brenden Wins.

 

Thank you for tuning in to my insanity, and I would like to leave you with something important for once. A 27 year old woman named Carrie Hart was recently diagnosed with a type of brain cancer. She resides in Virginia, and is being treated, but she has no medical insureance. So some people have asked me to help, and I would like to tell you I have a collection going on at my Bar in Harbor Creek, Bootlegger’s. The Donation will be collected Wednesday night. If you have never been to my bar you should come, we Have karaoke and you can put in any song for me to sing, or ruin. Also I am in a competition with a friend, C Murder (yah, I changed your name), and if she gets more donations, then I give her all mine (so it looks like I did nothing {cunt}), but if I beat her I get her hymen or something (yep I changed the conditions of the bet too, what you gon’na do about it). If you can’t make it go to

http://whathappenedtocarriehart.org/

 

Here you can read about her and all that shit. She’s good lookin’ so you should donate jus’ for that. I mean you don’t want a good looking women to die, or at least I don’t, and no that’s not sexist (it might be {what ever pussy}). Also you can Donate online via Paypal, so take it from our future Alien-Zombie overload Brenden Foster and Give a little Love, Give a little bit of your love to me (I think that’s Supertramp).

 

Happy Thanksgiving

Enjoy the time with your loved ones, and if you don’t have any I got space at my table.

Until next time

Rap it up, flip it over, and strap it down.

Peace

P.S I might be Making a Video Blog soon as well, not sure what to do with it. If you have any suggestions feel free to send me hate mail.

Tkink01@yahoo.com

 

   Some shit I looked at for my material:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/space/20081124/sc_space/astronautinventszerogcoffeecup;_ylt=Ag4KzxzUtYhR_8XuuXp8nkmzvtEF

Zero G Cup

 

http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20081124/sc_livescience/peoplesaidtobelieveinaliensandghostsmorethangod;_ylt=ArIUL6ONY8GyYErgYfrbYGdxieAA

alien and ghost vs. god

 

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081125/ap_on_sc/space_shuttle;_ylt=AjYcELEt6jEiNVY8w9pO6znLLJ94 –

Astronaut clean up

 

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081125/ap_on_re_us/muslim_charity_trial;_ylt=AhO3WDQBzWs3shGqthCUCwQGw_IE

Muslim terror

 

http://www.jihadwatch.org/archives/023621.php

Hezbollah in the house

 

http://www.upi.com/Top_News/2008/11/24/Iraqi_bomber_was_mentally_disabled_woman/UPI-50921227529223/

Retard bomber/ woman

 

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081124/ap_on_re_as/as_china_holding_tibet

dali lama kidnapped

 

 

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081125/ap_on_go_pr_wh/obama_economy;_ylt=ArFpHIxEFA.hrnJusmcJM.j737YB

obama economic stimulous

 

 

http://news.yahoo.com/s/time/20081125/us_time/08599186184300

bail-out=homeless

 

 

 

It’s Bigger than Hip Hop

Back to the Future Ladies and Douche Bags, in today’s News we find the World in turmoil, because shit is still a little fucked up (and by a little I mean, a lot). So, let’s pose the Question I know we’re all thinking it, Will Obama pull the troops? Short answer No. oh, there is no long answer. Seems with Zarqawi Dead a New Terrorist Head has succeed to the throne, An Egyptian Born Man Named Abu Ayyub Al Marri (I think that’s how that’s spelled) he happens to be good with bombs. He’s like Bomber Man, actually. He doesn’t have the cool helmet, but still. So, what we have been told is that the troops should be out by 2010, completely. We know that will get pushed back, The Military still wants to stay in Iraq for the Most Part, and good has come from their arrival, but Iraqi Government Officials have stepped up, with the arrival of President Elect-Obama, and have told the U.S. that by 2012 the Iraqi Troops will be up and able. What can we accomplish from this? Not sure, but I think 10 cents off a pack of gum with every purchase of a Kwik Fill hotdog.

Continuing…

Mad Mutha’ Fucka’s hit Up Our New Prez to give him a shout out.

 Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd told Obama, “shit’s hot mate”

 Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper, “Word up son, I heard you the new Prez, word, word. We should hook up.” Obama replied with, “Mos’ def’; you know I got your back kid”

French President Nicolas Sarkozy, “I’m amazed I’m talking to the First Black President.”

“I’m Amazed Germany hasn’t conquer your ass yet”

“Haha, Listen the World’s Grip is at stake what do you Propose?”

“Nigga’ I get Money, and you know this!”

“Right Right bes’ believe”

 German Chancellor Angela Merkel, “I’s likes you’s, I’s likes sex.”

 Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert, “Palestinians are acting up again.”

 Japanese Prime Minister Taro Aso, “Number 7?”

“No, Number 11!”

“Yes, taste like heaven!”

“No, I Said I want a Number 11!”

“Yah, hot spicy!”

 Mexican President Felipe Calderon, “So… you know they fucked up right”

“Haha, when you comin’ over?” Word”

South Korean President Lee Myung-bak, “ hey I think you should see this”

“dude, when did you get your dick peirced?”

British Prime Minister Gordon Brown, “Finally, some one who can speak proper English. I was beging to think you were all uneducated Hillbillies. No… you’re what,  Black… Oh dear.”

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, “Congrats” and an Iranian in a seat of power hasn’t said good shit to the U.S. in I don’t know ever.

Now back to something near and dear to my Heart (vagina?) Education (I was close). It seems that the New Hampshire State education Board has proposed a vigorous update on our American education System. No longer will children come to school to dick off, no now they will fuck off and relatively soon. Let’s Me’s Explains, “Follow the Child” is a program that was created in New Hampshire to watch the Progression of a student (general) this was prompted by the idea that if students are followed and watched then we the teachers and faculty will be able to, what’s the word, oh evaluate and improve their education experience so they learn more and graduate quicker, Word.

16yr old’s graduating in tenth grade. I don’t know how it sounds to you, but I hope we can revamp and manipulate the American Education system to accommodate this. This proposal (man, I’m using that word a lot), or plan (yah, that makes me sound smarter) will created a 60 billion dollar a year gain for education, because if kids graduate faster then more money is freed up. Okay New Hampshire understands that kids can’t float through the school system like recent years. No, so this is why the “follow the Child” Plan was created. That way the first step has been taken. Obviously you people can see I’m for it. We would finally be putting our education system on par with the European and Asian Education systems. Fuck, I hope this shit works. Think about it the Budget for US military spending is 500 billion dollars, if Obama cuts that in half the US gets 250 bill’ back plus this education change. Fuck bitches will be getting’ paid. Oh wait I forgot the US debt and Financial Recession; So, we’ll be down maybe 200 bill’ still but what ev’s it’s a start.

Finally Bullies enjoy seeing other people in pain. This is actually a story, and I would like to say,”Really?”

Good day sir, and remember

It’s bigger than Hip Hop.

Tim k.

In the Begining…

How can I start today’s broadcast; we all know what has happened, and where we all stand on these issues. The World is about to Change, and if you are afraid or uncertain then let us review what has made us who we are.

Machiavelli Believed the Ends Justified the Means, while Martin Luther knew something was up with the powers that be. Washington, Jefferson, and Franklin told an Empire to fuck off, while they changed the Fate of an adolescent Nation.

FDR Spoke to us with, “The only thing we have to Fear is Fear itself”

“As we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead. We cannot turn back. There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, “When will you be satisfied?” We can never be satisfied” King

Clinton made Enemies shake hands

He threatened America and my Father, and I can’t have that, and so Bush sent the troops.

“Long live Muqtada al-Sadr,” then the false floor dropped, and Hussein was stopped.

KRS ONE, visualize success and put your self in the picture.

McCain, if they don’t go free, I don’t go free.

Reverend Run, I’ll see you again my Friend.

The Green Goblin, “the Girl or the City, you can’t save both.”

The Joker, “I’m not evil, I just put people in situations, or jokes. It’s what they decide which causes the Punchline.”

Miracle on 34^th st. showed us that the world has become too cynical, and even though faeries and lepricons don’t exist; wouldn’t it be a better place if they did.

Then last Night Barack Obama told us that as the 44^th President of the United States, Yes We Can!

Yes we can, together anything is possible.

The point is that both Evil and Good people have at one point moved us, but they Moved us together, and only together can we break the current of Ignorance and Backtracking.

 

The Truth is Obama will not pull the troops out of Iraq; he will cut the Funds, but not by Half; and as much as we want to believe we will get away from our oil addiction, we will not, at least not at this moment.

The Truth is Obama will make mistakes and cause the Media to down play him more, his inexperience will make the great divide of our Country greater, and they will make him look as evil as Clinton and Bush.

Obama is the figurehead for America right now, and hopefully the corruption of congress will not stain his ambition, only time will tell.

So fuck it, shit will happen we all know it will, let’s just hope this Mother Fucker can decipher grey areas.

Viva America and all Hail Megatron, or I mean Obama!

 

 

 

Some shit that happened Today.

Congo army retreats from Goma, by way of Rebel forces lead by Laurent Nkunda. These attacks will not be stopped Knunda wants Goma, and the U.N. peacekeeping troops have tried but can not stop these forces. Also Congolese troops were attacked by Rwandan troops entering their borders; so neighborhoods going to hell in a hand basket.

Pakistan got leveled from a 6.4 earthquake destroy mud huts and making the poor regret the twelve dollar purchase of curtains from Pakistan-Mart. Not to be outdone U.S troops have been missile striking in Pakistan borders to kill Al-Qaida terrorist groups. The Troops successfully killed two Al-Qaida leaders and twenty or fifty citizens, the Quake successfully killed 170 people. Quake wills.

T. Boone Pickens, the Great Oil Man, wants to change from gas to wind.

“A foul with a plan can beat a genius with no plan” says Pickens. This mutha’ fucka’s crazy, but fuck he’s got money so he wins.

Pickens’s argues in his interview with 60 minutes that, “we are entitled to the Iraqi oil, we helped them”. Only problem is the Iraqi government know we have a dying economy so china is like, “hey, our shit is straight. Why don’t you sell to us? The world will be ours in a year or two anyway” Iraq responded with, “hmm, you have a point”.

Kim Jong II is getting old and won’t live forever, awesome, ‘cause he’s an evil Korean midget; fuck him. The prick is recovering from a stroke, but this fuck is getting scared about dying, and facing God for the shit he’s done, likewise God can’t wait. Kim hasn’t selected an heir, so we don’t know what evil fuck is going to try to kick us in the knee yet.

In local Pittsburgh News, there is a school bus stop in front of a sex Offenders house; I don’t think that’s good.

And now the Weather:

It’s cold, it’s so fuckin’ cold. Why the fuck is it snowing? I live in the armpit of America; fuck Edinboro. Man I can’t wait for Global Warming.

Until next time I hope good shit happens to you, and bad shit happens to the rest of the World.

Fable 2, and why I can’t rape my neighbor’s cat.

First off, Fable 2 isn’t the greatest game I’ve ever played; in fact I didn’t play it, but I did watch it being played, and I can say with confidence that you can not rape your friends wife and children, causing them to contract aids which you got from all the prostitutes you fucked. Needn’t to say this title did not achieve what I wanted it too.

Here’s a plus your dog can learn magic, okay that’s cool, but really if dogs knew magic they would only use it for personal gain. They would just revive a dead squirrel over and over just to play with it and kill it, and then revive it again. And if dogs knew magic and learned to speak, which sounds cool, until they catch you jacking off, and ask why you’re hurting yourself? Or you close the door, but then the dog is just going to keep asking why the door’s closed? So, you won’t have any alone time, ‘cause a dogs like a three year old kid, and three year old kids are total douche-bags.

Second off, I haven’t watched, listened, or read any News in the passed week, I’m on protest, I can only take so much nonsense that I don’t fabricate.

Just go to Youtube and type this in Sungha Jung. This kid’s badass.

and my Neighbor doesn’t have a cat so disregard that title. blah.

The Date

Good news readers I’m back, and I’ve had an unfathomably wonderful week. I’m afraid, because the rubber band can only stretch so far before it snaps and hits me in the dick (again).

So, here’s the question I have, “Do people actually read the news paper or watch the political debates?” Short answer no long answer definitely no. Shit just happens and we either listen to the news or someone else, or get this bias opinion that means shit, but we’re for the most part happy with it, because “fuck we’re not in charge or anything”.

Top story today from  Myspace.com/godkingtimmy

Seems our Timothy had a date last night lets see how it went.

Interview between Timothy and Tim today at 12.45pm

Thank you for joining us here at Goodkingtimmy’s Weblog where our Moto is “if you can’t find it on the bargain shelf you go to another store”.

No, thank you for having me.

So, I hear you’ve been dating recently

No, no not Dating.

… Well then what would you call it?

Well a date with me ends with me getting head. So, if they want to commit to that I’m fine with it, but I find it better if I go in thinking I’m just having a few drinks with a friend I might fuck.

So, do you consider her a prospect?

No, no I think she’s a very honorable woman; although I did pay for food.

Prospect not prostitute.

I knew that.

Right, so I also have information that you consider her a “person”, can you elaborate?

Yah, well she is intelligent

So, most women are retarded?

No, no… can we say that word again?

I’m taking it back

Word

So intelligent, really dude that’s like a seventh grade essay answer.

Okay, what I enjoy her mind and her thoughts on life, they seem to be realistic.

Realistic like Jason Owens?

Huh?

On Oct 10^th 2003 Jason Owens explained himself as being a realist and you said and I quote, “you’re a fuck Jason, not a realist. Realist know what they are talking about, you sir are just a simple fuck”

…

Do you consider her a simple Fuck?

No, dude I didn’t say that you made that shit up, you’re not even holding a clip board. You just pulled that quote out of thin air.

So you affirm that you consider her a simple fuck.

No, I never said that

Well you didn’t say you didn’t

What kind of logic is that

The affirmation of negation is not the negation of affirmation.

Dude, I don’t know what the fuck you just said.

Because you’re stalling; Is it not true that you haven’t thought anything through in your entire life?

What I thought many things through.

Like

…

You think of yourself as I quote, “The Greatness” what bullshit did your mother tell you to make you think that?

Nothing I just figure someone’s got to be great and maybe it’s me.

Hmmm, you seem to be questioning that confident statement with the hesitation in your voice.

…

For one week you have been sitting on cloud nine.

Where does that saying come from?

I’m not sure, but I here six is afraid of seven because of it.

…oh

When do you think this pompous luck of yours will run out?

…never

The truth about the tragic king comes out. You do understand that Camelot fell because of the prosperity it kept for so long; Luck doesn’t grow on trees Tim, and soon you will fall as well.

Well, I think this interview is over.

One last question.

No

You are quoted in saying, “The Beauty about everything is not that we fail so we can succeed, but that we succeed so we can fail; and I can’t wait to fail again.” Do you believe you can actually face disappointment again?

I have had a great week, this is true and fortunately I had a splendid night with a person I consider versed in life. I enjoy the Good, but the bad parts of life test us, and that has always been my home in poverty and imperfectness among the tired, the poor, and the huddled masses yearn…

I’m goin’ to stop you right there, ’cause I think you’re referencing the Statue of Liberty Quote.

I don’t care about my self,

I can tell you dress like a clean hobo.

But I do care about everyone else.

But seriously you’ve been waiting to say that for a while haven’t you?

…yes

God you’re such a bitch.

Fuck you

No, no seriously you really need to drop this whole “Holier then thou” act, and realize you’re just like everybody else.

…

Can you do that for me, or are you just going to be pissed because you hate criticism.

Listen, 

Well, our time is up; thank you.

… (He leaves with out shaking my hand, dick move)

For to entire story go to myspace.com/godkingtimmy

  Back to you Timm.

 

                Well, it has been another vantastic (german {no its not}) week end (plus Monday, Tuesday) for the News. Today Obama’s leading in double digit polls over ol’ man McCain.

Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff tells the press, because of the up and coming election we will probably someday soon be attacked by Al-Qaida, or the Predator, or God because of the shift in power; this causes Vulnerability in our state. So, to solve this President Bush has altruistically decided to stay president forever. (Word {wait no, no that’s unword dude[ not unword (yah {weak})]).

Russia and Iran try to open a Kwik Fill, but no one wants them too, ‘cause the majority think they’re dicks.

Congress tries to play ball with France and Japan about Money issues, but it seems you can only make so much invisible money until the people realize paper and plastic are cheaper then dirt and rocks.

Sidney Crosby is ranked 45 of the 49 most influential men of 2008, Ryan Seacrest is 44. (‘cause he did something amazing)

Heath Ledger is 39 for his role as Heath Ledger, and then his Death as The Joker, Sam Houser is 35 for his executive production of the morally uplifting title of Grandtheft Auto IV.

Brad Pitt 33, and the Spaniard Rafael Nadal is 30 for his iron tennis arm of fury.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is 28, Jimmy Kimmel is 26, and David Beckham is 25 (word)

Jonathan Ive is 23 with the godforsaken creation of the IPHONE 3G, and George Clooney is 22.

Ben Bernanke is 19 and the reason for our economic state (yah, I’m blaming him), and Kanye West is 17 for the reason of our social state (yah I’m blaming him).

Thom Yorke lead singer of RadioHead is 16 for his socialistic liberal approach on selling his music as a download, and Jon Stewart is 15.

Dana White is 14, because of the Credit given for the raise of the most watched family show The UFC, and Mark Zuckerberg is 13 “cause he’s the youngest self-made douche-bag” from creating Facebook.

The Mavrick, John McCain is number 10, and Rob Kay is 8 for his Creation of Rock Band. (yah, that seems right)

Christian Bale is 7 for beating his Mother and Sister as Batman, Gordon Ramsay is 6 for beating Christian Bale with a frying pan.

The Man, Stephen Colbert is 5, and Robert Downey Jr. is 4 (really?)

Michael Phelps is 3^rd for being the firth Down syndrome competitor to take eight gold medals in the non-special Olympics.

Number 2 is some dude, Steve Jobs.

And finally the Number one most influential man of 2008 is…

Timothy W. Kinkopf for being the Greatness (huh? No I think it’s Barack Obama)

                Tim K grew up in a little place called Pittsburgh, and the rest is history.

Thank you for joining us today, come back tomorrow to see the result of what may be the crowning achievement in life, Fable Two.

As always if you can find it on the Bargain shelf, you’re probably not as tall as a sunflower.

Goodnight.      

2008 3/3 debate til they Die

Dear Joe the Plumber,

                Dude if you need a friend I’m here for you, ‘cause I know how it is to be friendless (untrue), but dude hangin’ out with politicians, you must be dying for some companionship. Well drop me a line maybe we can hit the courts, or unclog a drain (I don’t think he does that for fun).

Sincerely

Timothy W. K. The Great

 

Um, somewhere along the way our presidential candidates became a couple of punk bitches. Now I don’t know the date (back in the day {Tuesday}), but why do I care if these dudes have hurt feelings about what the other one said. Really dude muther fucker’s say bullshit to my face everyday, and you know what I say (I love you too, mom) I love you too, mom (I knew it). I don’t know who won the debate last night, but I’ll tell you who lost, the 2 billion people that for some reason or another watched this atrocity, or by accident clicked (flicked) through it to watch the Phillies beat the Astros and head to the World Series.

The truth is I really want a Hover Craft, and the Wonder twins here aren’t gon’na make that happen (they don’t own the rights to it).

In other News it was raining and winding earlier, and I was really concerned about Beaky (Peter Puetrelly, I changed his name), ‘cause I didn’t see him today, hopefully he’s safe, and beaky if you have access to the web, hit me a line; me and Joe need another player for a two on two pick-up game. The other guy we got is my friend Mike, (life partner) we grew up together; he sucks, but I figure if Joe picks him, we got a 50/50 chance of you pecking his eyes out (Word) Word.

Finally I’m starting a mission to make people stop voting, and by doing this I hope that we eventually forget the government and political stuff all together, like Nightmare on Elm Street (hmm, not bad).

Hit Me Up!

P.S. For those of you that clicked here for the free IPOD (I lied) haha, yah I did.(Bouche!)

NeWS for the Attention Deficit

Okay so where was I, oh yes; greetings Mutha’ Fuckas’ I’m the greatness. You can call me Tim; or Lord and Master, really what ever gives me a big head (in your mouth).

So, I hear old man Stock Market broke his hip and can’t get up. You’d think with all that gold and riches someone would be able to put him back together. Story is he didn’t have a life alert thing around his neck, and he fell out a window or something like that. The News (or what I do better) has all these pundits talking bullshit about, how they think it’s because poor people don’t have money (Meanwhile I’m chillin’ at home in an apartment built from filth by Eskimo retards, and looking at my rent, phone, and gas bills, while the electric is turned off {fuck, I didn’t even think electric was on pink paper yet}) So, the market falls, and rich white douche bags commit suicide. All and all funny couple of weeks, and I can’t complain, ’cause I don’t wear stocks (just sandals).

Okay, Palin (who’s a 6 maybe a weak 7) can’t complete a sentence or even start one. (You know what I didn’t factor in the kids; she’s maybe a 5 or weak 6) A women who can’t back up anything tells the press “Obama is Black” or something, and that’s just not true (I think it might be{huh, oh Osama, not Obama; I get those two confused (hmm, now that I think of it she’s a strong 5, ’cause I’d hit it, but you have to factor in age, and with pussy degrading over time, and those five kids probably ripped her up pretty bad[ yah but I'd still choke fuck that rightwing skank( too far)])}).

McCain is down in the pulls today with a 42.0% “he grew up with Jesus” rating, and Obama is leading with 50.2% of the “I’m voting for him, because he’s black and I don’t want my neighbors thinking I’ma racist, just because I went to that one rally” vote; so good for both Candidates, and bad for the rest of us. Oh and Nickelodeon is hosting a “You Vote” pull for kids, to decide who they like. Funny thing hear is, Nickelodeon makes a “meet the Candidate” page, and the issues are pretty well covered. In fact I learned some things, like Obama enjoys “The fairly Odd parents”; me too.

This just in, the DOW is down 733 points. (Looks like someone needs a plus 5 wizard hat for defense)

And McCain and Obama are facing off tonight in the finale’ of “Heroes”. If you haven’t been following in the first season Obama thought he could fly, then he jumped off a building; turns out he couldn’t fly by himself, but his power is to mimic other officials. McCain was imprisoned in the second season; I think he was trying to get his brother out or something. Jack Bower kicks mad ass, and Bones solves some murder mystery, ‘cause she’s hot (Great fall line up on FOX {sly bastards})

Sun came out today, then went back in the closet (dick move) at this rate my nightingales are never going to sprout.

Tomorrow will be miserable with a hint of Douchebagary, and chances of a light depression are eminent.

Prediction: The Stock Market will fall asleep tonight, and never wake up (I hope I get the Land Rover, ew or the picture of the dogs playing poker, I always liked that).

P.S. My roosters name is Peter Puetrelly

You named your cock Peter

No, I named my cock Deathstrike; I named that rooster Peter.