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Memorial Service

A memorial service was held three days ago for the passing
of Twenty-Ten, a year all will hopefully not remember. At the
service the Reverend Al Sharpton was quoted by saying “2010 WHERE
THE FUCK ARE THE HOVER CRAFTS?” Agreed Reverend. The service
concluded after the University of Pittsburgh’s new coach got into a
fist fight with Twenty-Ten’s mother. He was quickly ejected from
the funeral and Pittsburgh. I have never been much for resolutions,
but this year I wrote some down in a little tree covered notepad a
friend Christmas-gifted me and then burned it in a fit of arousal.
(I don’t understand me either.) As I believe New Year’s
resolutions are like wishes you get from shooting stars and
birthday candles, I will not be telling you mine. I hope you, the
reader, made a couple resolutions for yourself, and no I don’t care
to know what they are. Here’s to 2011. Give us one good month and
you will officially be the best year ever and we won’t have to bury
you deeply within our subconscious filed under “WTF” like your
douche bag older brother! (That was a threat.) Yes, that was a
threat. As always have a great week if you’re living in
Pittsburgh, Erie, Edinboro, Charleston South Carolina,
Houston Texas, or New Orleans, everywhere else I’ll get you
next time. Have a happy Chinese New Year.

Midterm Election Review

Last night I flipped back and forth from Fox News to CNN to watch the election race. I noticed each station had an election poll total which had either the Democrats leading or the Republicans leading with a little more seats in the Senate and House than the other station. After getting confused and annoyed, I referred to Yahoo.com news and then MSN.com. Both sites had the same confusing information. I learned that either the Republicans won the House or didn’t, and that the Democrats won the Senate or didn’t. Then, I tried to find my fifth grade civics book so I could find out what the House and Senate are. I learned that the Senate is considered the Upper House, and that the House of representatives is considered the Lower House, but no one calls them that anymore. Furthermore, Black-males are only worth ¾’s the vote as one Whitemale; I’m uncertain if this is still true. Also the President has the power to start a war, I am also uncertain if this is true. Also the American Indians gave us this land freely; I think that’s still true. I would go on CNN.com or Foxnews.com, but they don’t give me the actually information. Today, I relied on Wikipedia to understand the Election process. I probably should have voted yesterday.

With the Quickness!!!

Truth be told, I’ve failed at continuing this weblog through the summer months. My new objective is to keep the ambition and hope low. Enough has happened in the past months that it’s pointless to continue the banter on the oil spill, Obama’s offices, the tea party, or any of those nonsensical topics. I offer you something fun and stress-less, because personally media and information have become lost with-in personal agendas. I don’t care anymore, if you want to change things, do it within your friends and family, work on controlling your own everything else will fall into place after that. So, this site will be sporadically update whenever I feel like it, but in the meantime, enjoy Jon Stewart’s book Earth; pick-up Stephen Colbert’s book I’m America (and so can you!); watch Venture Bro’s, Adventure Time, and Southpark; go to Charleston South Carolina, New Orleans, and Massachusetts; eat, cook, and find food you have never had before; and basically enjoy life. I’ll hopefully be back soon with some new articles.

From, The Editor

Is Change Good?

The question many of my predecessors have asked deals with the controversial topic of Change, “ is Change Good?” and I have answered yes, now fuck off and enjoy something else for a change. The Horoscopes, sex advice, and entertainment segments have been put on hiatus (actually the entire site), I am going through a physical move and thus some things must take a back burner (like my children) like this site. Until are next meeting make sure to watch My Bestfriend’s Girl, this was an awesome movie, Dane Cook at his utmost douschebagest. I was impressed by it, rent it, it’s not out in theatres anymore which is good ‘cause I would pay ten bucks to see Dane Cook. Inadvertently, if you only have a dollar six in your bank account do not spend it on the movie Nine Dead. I don’t know who made this movie, but I guess I’m glad I don’t know ‘cause if I did I would ask for my dollar six back plus my two hours of lost time which I could have been using to read picture books, blah. Well I might not talk to you until next week so keep your head up son you’ll get that bicycle one day. Love dad.

Saturday’s News Today, on Saturday:(

One of these pictures is not like the other, one of these pictures is not the same.

I hope your Friday was as eventful as mine (work, video game, cry self to sleep). Today is a rather slow news day which is always good news, ’cause if you haven’t noticed the News is Unword Lamesauce (those are not words at all).

Prez. Obama. Obama, Obama is getting much heavy slack against his legislation. He Keeps passing shite laws and people are really starting to get pissed off, but as Obama claims “it’s all part of the plan.” Our government system, the same one that led us into this point of suckfest, needs to be changed so this bailout shit doesn’t happen again, and with the way things are going we won’t have money to bail ourselves out next time anyway, so everything’s on the up and up. News is calling this THE GREAT TAX CRISIS, maybe, I’m not sure, I think I just made that up (use comma’s much?).

This has triggered so much controversy that there are homegrown terrorist organizations trying to take the Government down. One led by a man called David stone, who is one trial right now for such things, heads a sub-sectional division of the Christian Militia known as Huturee ( I have no clue what that means, I could have wikipediaed it but I really didn’t care that much), The Huturee or the Christian Warriors, as they like to be called, are crazy as fuck rednecks who want nothing more than to shoot up police stations, cause anarchy, and fight the antichrist (Obama, Obama, Obama). Now they might want something else but I haven’t interview any of them yet. Maybe I will one day. Wouldn’t that be cool, interview a crazy Christian nutbag (in person?) over the phone or through emails (thank god, I don’t want to sit next to them, they smell like wine and crackers).

Speaking of crazy Christian nutbags, the Pope is on a journey to heal the sexually abuse children of some sexually abused country, or is he going to sexually abuse the children in the country, hmmm I’m not sure which one it is, but either way God willing it will happen (that was pretty fucked up).

Finally, I looked on the entertainment section of yahoo, and there was a comics section. I clicked it, and I read a comic called 9 Chickweed Lane, it was the stupidest thing I ever read and now I’m very disappointed in myself for doing such a thing.

It’s Friday, Norse for FuckDay.

the reason why Iceland's Volcano erupted

                It’s the end of the week, Friday, and do we have anything to show for it? NO, the answer is no, just another week gone by filled with depressing News, and for your enjoyment I have more of it, yay. The volcanic eruption in Iceland has completely blanketed the European skies and transit airlines cannot soldier through. Governments think it’s the work of terrorists. Probably rock monster terrorist who have been on earth longer than we have, and thus we are actually terrorizing them. So this is their way to fight back. Well I for one say Nay to these ancient rock monsters. This is our world now douchington get a new one (like the Indians [racism]).

                Along with ancient races of evil, Cats are thoroughly pleased with the iPad, dogs on the other hand, who happen to be Man’s best friend, have proclaimed the iPad villainous and anal-retentive(how did they make that assumption?). I, myself, don’t give a sweet fuck about the iPad, but I still would like to play with one, and if I can’t play with that then a South African slave whore (that’s a little harsh).

                In Ermelo, South Africa a Human trafficking ring has been partially disbanded; only partially, because after these prostitute slaves were arrested and confessed to being kidnapped and sold into slavery, most refused to testify against their Masters. Still slave rings are active in Thailand, China, Russia, Mexico, South America, The States, and actually all over the world. If there is money to be made tax free, there will be evil doers (cats, rock monsters, ect…) that will do it.

               But let’s not end on a suck-note; Kickass the movie has gotten rave reviews from fans and little to none from syndicated critics. A turn out the movie is too violent, not unlike the News. I guess one persons entertainment is another person’s South African Slave whore (or iPad).

Enjoy the new Sew Advice Column.

No more Crime?

 Well, there’s no News today, ’cause I really don’t care about what’s happening with the World.  Where I’m at it’s beautiful outside and that’s good enough for me. Please enjoy the day, but first enjoy the week’s Sex Advice column from my new member Catherine Marie of Bluffton, South Carolina. She lives in PA now ‘cause that was a smart move. Anyway enjoy her advice and please enjoy the day, don’t bother yourself with News today you don’t want to be depressed. (smileyface)

Twitter’s tweets are Legit!

 

Yah, I'm a Big deal

The Library of Congresses progressive step forward could be a drunken step too far to the left and into a moving truck (unword). Twitter’s tweets are going to be archived in this library of the future, because fuck it why not. So far the reaction is what you think:

Salv writes “Oh god that is a stupid idea. Somehow, endless streams of, “OMG”, “u rock”, and “<3″, doesn’t really strike me as something worth saving.”

MJB replies “Stupid…….. Nazis are always looking to document stuff.”

Kelly Comments “It’s a positive step. The government is trying to save history not only in the form it was taken in, but also in one that people will take the time to study. A lot of people think books are boring and outdated (uneducated plebeians’) so this might be a good thing. Even if to me it sounds ridiculous.”

And I reply “fuck your face.” (All these were referenced from http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20100414/sc_livescience/libraryofcongresstohouseentiretwitterarchive)

              Maybe it is a good idea, because without Twitter we wouldn’t have known about the earthquake in Xining, China killing 589 people and injuring well over 10,000 if not for President Hu Jintao tweet “sadface”. Also what if we weren’t following the Iraqi Troops we wouldn’t have known about the al- Qaida-esc plot to bomb the Imam Ali Shrine, from this tweet @Osama Dee’s Nuts. I guess it is a viable source for information.

         Next we discuss Obama and all the people hatin’ on him (there’s a lot), and those people are called the Tea Party (I love tea and parties).  Palin tweeted @Obama read the constitution, and Obama retweeted @Palin read the dictionary. So this is what are children have to look forward to in the future, archives of pompous bullshit in the Library of Congress. It will be labeled under SuckTime.

smileyface

p.s. Check in tomorrow for our first Sex Advice Column, it’s sure to be a horrible time.

xoxoxoxoxox

Yesterday’s News a Day Late

                 Okay so first off: Fuck you for thinking I can follow my own schedule; second off: Fuck me ‘cause I have no deodorant and I just woke up at 4pm, long nights of partying are really doing me in (up all night playing God of War Collection). Good News: I beat the God of War collection, Bad News: my GF gave my Blue balls ‘cause she’s fucked up like that (true’dat), and rather awkward news: A 11 year old white girl with Aspersers’ syndrome got lost in the Floridian swampland while trying to film her version of When Crocodiles Eat Retards.  Luckily a pedophile saved her (does your depravity know no bounds?).

                    In other News, I beat God of War 1 and 2 (said that already Repeaty Mcsaidshittwice) and Obama, our president for the moment, pulled together a Nuclear Conference somewhere in the world, because some Countries just shouldn’t have Nuclear power (like America).  The Basic break down amongst the 48 esteemed Nuclear powered Countries was 1: Iran is not invited, 2: Syria has Nuclear weapon that they are lying about thus they aren’t invited either; and 3: North Korea is definitely not invited (someone’s sweat sixteen is ruined, thanks a lot Obama). And after the invitation discussion, they actually got down to business. The great idea is that all the good and righteous countries will pull together and put all the Nuclear resources in a pot and power the world for the up and coming millennia. Russia and the U.S. are going to put all their cold war weapons in the pot first. (Side note: together they have more than 17,000 Nuclear weapon or 68 tons of plutonium, and you thought the Cold War amounted to nothing, douchebags). The next time these esteemed Countries will have one of these conferences is  scheduled for 2012 in South Korea (and now you know why the Mayans are right with their apocolypse prediction, sadface).

                   And finally, because this article is going way to long for my audience to read, I will give a heartfelt goodbye to the since pasted President of Poland and his wife, Lech Kaczynski and Maria Kaczynska. They died in a plane crash with 68 other passengers in Russian air space about a week ago      (look it up you’ll find it). I hear heavens cool, but knowing you were a politician might dampen your chances, here’s hoping to retribution.  Have a great couple of days people and enjoy they Entertainment section.